I thought I could manipulate spiritual and possibly even physical existence with epic words spoken from my own power, to vibrate the ether into a paradigm shift according to my own interests.
Less than a year later, I had voices in my head.
I had been seeking everywhere (books on magic arts, Spirit Science*, Dan Winter, Buddhism, Confuscious, Hinduism, Tarot, psychics, ancient esoteric schools and religions, psychedelics, alien conspiracy theories, raves, parties, etc) for personal power and higher consciousness. Everywhere, but in careful avoidance of the Fountain of all Being.
I believed the voices. I had met them first in my psychedelic visions. They stuck around and seemed so wise and beyond this reality. But they grew more foreboding and condemning the more I sought their counsel.
I was literally pulling out my hair in fear of what the voices seemed to be prophesying over me. I was bracing for painful, lonely, twisted death and afterlife.
People witnessed my anxiety attack one day and sent me into the psyche ward. I grew worse as the doctors attempted to treat me for schizophrenia.
My mom came to visit me. I was jumpy and shakey and full of conspiracy. I wrote my concerns in pencil so the entities operating the hospital couldn’t virtually spy on me. “They’re murdering people downstairs tell [my brother] to bring the army and stop it!!!!!!” (They were actually building a new wing on the hospital and I was misinterpreting the noise in endlessly horrible ways).
She pulled out her phone and I flipped out and lunged at her. “Don’t let them get into your phone!! Don’t let them get our family!!”
In exasperation she asked, “Did you call out to Jesus and ask Him to save you?”
“I called out to Jesus, but He never came!” I shrieked.
VOOOM! I felt massive energy flood through and out of my body.
It freaked me out. I didn’t understand what just happened. Did someone just die on the murderous the floor below? I just felt a spirit leave!!
The voices in my head were gone. THEY FLED AT THE NAME OF THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CAST THEM OUT: JESUS.
Yeshua. Ieso. Jesu. 耶稣. His name is POWER in any language.
My mind was still convinced by everything I had believed and spun into this distorted alternative reality. I continued shrieking and crying in paranoid anxiety daily, for weeks.
Eletroshock therapy immediately jolted me out of the stupor and I finally saw the truth: the reality I had been imagining was rooted in Satanic pursuits.
(Isn’t it interesting that Satanism isn’t about worshiping Satan? It’s about worshiping oneself. We are all made to worship God, but in seeking my own will, I became a slave to sin, death and despair. I was Satan’s slave. But JESUS SAVED ME, when I called on His Name!)
The doctors said I would never be the same person I was before. I was defeated, flat, depressed. They said that would be my new normal.
But when I cried multiple times a day, I was crying out to God.
First I was asking WHY
I had lost everything I was. Everything I had socially. My superactive creative mind felt paved over and empty.
In the humiliation I could finally find the humility to cry out to Him for help.
I released my longing for my previous life, and started seeking what I had trembled to consider before: eternal life.
Do you long for it? More than anything in this life?
This life is but a vapor, but eternity is forever.
You won’t find it outside the Author and Source of Life.
Why is Jesus the only way to heaven? Because Jesus IS heaven!
I dreamed of utopic conditions where I had everything I wanted on this side of death, but trembled at the thought of dying. Only when Jesus filled my heart with His Spirit could I be still and know that He is God.
I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God.
Join me on this journey! Look up and live!
*Spirit Science: check out the amazing testimony from an ex-writer at Spirit Science. I resonate so much with his experience
more in-depth accounts I’ve written: